Meet the Hag
My villain origin story
The first time I understood I had become a hag, or more specifically a tech hag, was when, during a meeting with my company’s most senior leaders (including the CEO), I realized I was the oldest person in the room. I was 36.
At the time I was not the only woman (something the men in the room could be quite self-congratulatory about) but eventually I would be. But at that time, the other female leaders all hovered around my age with similar amounts of experience–all of us with a few “name brand” companies on our resumes. Our male counterparts were all younger—about 5 years on average—and, as would follow, less experienced.
But this was a startup—where young men with ambition are encouraged by older men with money to “move fast and break things” with neither group stopping to consider just what it is they are destroying.
I understand that being on an executive team as an elder millennial is not very common outside of tech
It would be a rarity even today in my early 40s, never mind half a decade ago. When I hear about the workplace power dynamics from close friends and family members in, say, finance or law, I know with absolute certainty that I could not take that shit.
And by “that shit” I mean the serf/Lord of the Manor hierarchy that is not an undercurrent but a big fucking wave that daily smacks you in the face as a reminder that they could easily drown you.
In these companies, professional development is not taken with any degree of sincerity. In fact many don’t even address it insincerely. It’s simply non-existent. Reviews are not about reflection or genuine improvement—you’re lucky if your boss has any clue what you do—but a way to inform you of your 2.5% CoL raise. Again being lucky if that outpaces inflation and/or your rent increase. Just close your eyes and think of England. And above all, be grateful.
By “shit” I also mean the head-spinning reversals with WFH and “flexibility” policies that are often not based on productivity or profit but exist to satisfy the ego of some princeling who gets a boost from strutting around their open office plan veal pens, interrupting the peasantry at will (called “management by walking around” by sociopaths) on their way back to their private offices with actual doors that close.
The link between these policy reversals and the stranglehold that white, straight, Boomer men still have on positions of power and influence is not a coincidence. So many of these men at the top of these org charts came of age when expectations for their unpaid labor extended to mowing the lawn a few times a summer and maybe coaching T-ball. These men didn’t have to consider “work/life balance” or wonder if they could “have it all” because while they were working, their stay at home wives were taking care of everything else, paving the way for them to concentrate most of their time and mental energy on work.
It’s worth mentioning this generational rift because the mold for the model worker is not only man-shaped in physical form, but someone who is free from the daily, time-consuming and exhausting obligations of child care, most domestic labor, and most other forms of social reproduction. A privilege that most high-ranking women still cannot access.
To return to my initial declaration, by not being able to “take that shit” I mean, having spent almost 20 years in environments that encouraged feedback and experimentation—even if it was only surface-level—I could not imagine having to make myself any smaller. To have to nod my head and smile when some sentient boat shoe excitedly stumbles through some rickety plan that’s definitely not going to work because he didn’t involve the people who actually know the things. To not have the opportunity to diplomatically ask “have you considered?” or “help me understand…” would be so disempowering.
At least in tech you have the opportunity to ask those questions and then be ignored.
There are some big, positive differences between tech workplaces and other lucrative, male-dominated industries
And so many women are opting for these careers because we’re making the bet that wedging ourselves into a man-shaped spaces and being well-paid (but still not as much as the guys!) is more empowering than being in female-shaped spaces and being paid peanuts to be an emotional pillow.
That’s at least how I started in tech. When I graduated from college in the early aughts with my literature degree, a career in software and startups seemed just as likely as deep sea exploration. After a year in journalism I realized that industry wasn’t going to work for me if I had any hope of affording both an apartment (or rather, a room in a shared apartment) and my student loan payments.
I also realized that the red-faced, self-important editor we in the newsroom called the Prince of Darkness had reached the apex of his career at the small, daily paper in central Massachusetts and wouldn’t be leaving that perch any time soon.
I ended up in tech in spite of myself and by accident. But that second job out of college was going to pay me 3k more per year, so I took it. I also took it to try something new, to try out an industry that wasn’t shrinking, and to have a schedule that didn’t end at midnight and required most weekends and holidays.
I do not regret taking that first tech job
I do not regret the almost two decades I have spent in the industry since.
I’ve learned so much. I love the autonomy. I love to build. I’m good at it.
I am legitimately proud of what I’ve accomplished. I earned well in tech, especially in the last 10 years of my career. Above all, I’ve been lucky.
At the same time, tech is oblivious to its own contradictions and stubbornly defensive about its weaknesses. If nothing else, it is a myth making machine par excellence, complete with a powerful priesthood class.
And just like a priesthood, it exists to consolidate and perpetuate its own power. And if you’re not careful, you just might be called a witch.